And they’ll bloom 

Purpose of life

Its always been there

For how long

I don’t remember

I noticed it one day

And asked

“You have stood seasons

You have stood years

Aren’t you tired”

And it seemed surprised

“Never question the mysteries of life

Everyone has a purpose

And this is what I am meant to be”

Beauty of imperfection

It’s a mystique

The beauty of imperfection

Excitement

Tension

gravity

But never

monotony

Shadows follow

Monochrome appeals me

And so does colors

when shadows follow

they blend

to make an interesting frame

lose

do we ever lose

i contemplate 

tangible it might be

the intangible seeps and soaks

and that is material

“the immaterial”

This poem is dedicated my dear friend Olli.

 Feb 22, 2007

sippin tea on roadside
and
a comfy smoke
after mind churning
discussion on
pros and cons of
tripod and ball rings
wonder
at the loss
of my feminity
is it?
i voice it
and my genderless friend
laughs coyly at my thought
i ponder
am blessed
i have it all
been in venus for long
now traveling mars 

Jan 14, 2007

 Day : Friday, August 11, 2006

Got up late and was in a foul mood. Another day when I wasn’t able to keep upto my expectations. Newspaper was lying outside and was curious to read about the Mumbai ’93 blasts verdict. As I opened my newspaper and saw the headlines…….a shiver ran across my spine. The headlines “ Terror in the air again”.

Days are not happening as they are supposed to and all around I see chaos. Our state of mind and inner turmoil sometimes aggravates the chaos outside. There are days when I have not been affected by deaths and killings…different reasons I may have; sometimes its indifference and I don’t care and sometimes a lot is going on. I am just another one in the crowd for whom lot of things may and may not matter depending upon the given circumstance. Not an active, responsible citizen I guess. 

So I start wondering... what’s happening to the world, had I been sleepin all this time. Bombay blasts, Kashmir blasts, Israel nd Lebanon crisis, growing number of people with aids in India, global warming, floods……..the list is endless and to top it my endless wait for things to happen in my life. Patience started to give away…….

And then a list of pending jobs. I gave myself a push as usual and got geared up for the daily fight. First on the list was my passport issue, it was somewhere lying between my home and the passport office……a virtual reality for me cause whenever I click in my registration number, it gives me a vague status …….nd I know there are still months to go when I’ll be able to see my new passport.

So I took this auto and started for passport office near Becamaji place. A small narrow lane and on top of it a two way ……..well our auto got stuck and the driver asked me “ 12 baj gayee kya”. I looked at my mobile and said, “ 12 baj ke 4 minute ho gaye hain”. And after that he started callin names to the car wala ahead. I was taken aback and wondered what was happening, and there it was. A sardar ji driving a posh car(my vocab for all big segment cars is limited to big/posh car). A thought occurred in my mind….we have preconceived notions about lot many things …..nd this sardar ji is paying the brunt because he belongs to a community. Anyways finally we got to the passport office.

I went to the query section and was told to submit 3 copies of passport form which I had already done and they were returned to me at the time of submission. I felt the anger boiling up and could not do anything. I said to myself, let me get the passport…………then I’ll  take the action if I still have the energy to fight them.

And then while going back home, wanted to quench my thirst. Went to this bante wala and asked for a glass. He looked at me and said its for 5 bucks. I simply nodded nd watched him prepare the drink. Had two glass nd gave him the money. Wanted to catch the auto and go back. It had been a futile effort and I knew that we are still not independent. Earlier it was Britishers nd now its bureaucracy. A call from behind and I looked back. I had given him one rupee extra and he was calling me to give it back. I took the money and felt light and at peace. Started for home…….

Happy Independence Day to fellow Indians……..

his eyes closed

in deep meditative mode

while making love

made me curious

paused ...

hesitatingly

then asked him gently

“ where are you? ”

a moment passed

and it melted to ages

not a flicker of his eyelid

still breathing

calmly he replied in his deep husky voice

“ in you ”

somehow

i knew it was coming

still couldn’t placate my heart

that needed to hear the eyes

July 8, 2006 

Guanghua, my ideal town with its imperfections

When I look down the memory lane….not so long ago I came to this small town called Guanghua in China. I was a bit apprehensive about this place but the moment I was in the vicinity of this town, I fell in love with it. It was kinda love at first sight. Clean wide roads on either sides of a wide creek, linking them with small bridges and an easygoing life pace caught my attention.

Delhi no doubt has been my home for past few years but it never exuded warmth and comfort that Guanghua offered me unconditionally on my very first day. It’s my ideal town which changes with the moods of Wei ling(a Chinese colleague)and unpredictable sometimes(it snowed in spring this year); loving and caring in a way Ms. Fang is; young at heart like Andy’s (Australian colleague) pranks; energetic like Peggy and recently there has been a latest addition of another special guest, Jada (US) whose pink charm has wooed the town.

A small place where everybody is somebody and the personality of the people has given life and meaning to my hometown (I prefer to call it that way). Most of the Chinese people I have come across are very friendly. They often open their hearts to the foreigners with a warm smile, a simple hellooooooooo and sparkle in their eyes.

My companions

Another important incident that happened during my arrival was my encounter with
Bin bin. I can vividly remember a tiny, innocent, lost baby watching me enter my apartment. She was very young, barely few months old, thin, cute, white pup with a black patch around her eyes. I guess the pirated look reflected her personality which one could not  guess at first glance. It took a lot of patience on my part to gain her trust and be her friend and later on she was my companion for few months. Bin bin (means ‘stupid’ in Chinese) was very independent, feisty and energetic puppy, with an amazing appetite Once she got shelter in my apartment, it turned out that she was the one holding the cards and setting the ground rules. No matter how much I tried to tame her, she was hell bent on breaking the rules and making new ones for herself . I cannot blame her as she was staying with my Australian friend Andy for quite some time. She had this strange fascination for dead insects, rodents and birds, probably I should give credit to her Chinese genes. She wanted her freedom as she could not move freely in the school premises and was unhappy. It took a lot of effort to finally let her go and be where she could be somebody and contribute to our small town.

Along with Bin bin came Liu liu. I was browsing some stuff in a gift shop and came across Liu liu. A cute cheeky smile and her pleading eyes told me that I had to take her home. Liu liu has helped me a lot teaching my kindergarten students and she forms an instant rapport with young kids. She does not mind being tossed and toppled and I guess kids are the joy of her life.

At present, I am fortunate to have another companion ‘Flippy’, a small Chinese fish whose appetite is enormous. I feed her (prefer this gender) two times a day and I guess she is used to my smoky apartment. A quiet fish yet very demanding…….sometimes when I go to another town for a day, she just misses me like hell and I know it because she goes into her shell and stops moving….when I come back, I have to shake the bowl and wake her up, apologize and make it up for my absence.

Now I know that nothing lasts forever. Flippy is fortunate to get shelter at Lee May’s, another good friend who teaches music. I have heard that fish responds to music and I am happy that life ahead for Flippy is going to be fun and musical.

To be continued………….